i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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