god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
