uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
