Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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