you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
