I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize