Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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