I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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