Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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