I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
