i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
