You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize