I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize