That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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