I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
