His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
