The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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