What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
