apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
