Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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