Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
