So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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