im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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