wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
