They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
