I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
