I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
