he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
