I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
