It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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