There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
a search helicopter?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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