He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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