Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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