so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
