Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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