If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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