And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
