so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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