Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
