So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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