Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
