He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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