i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
