Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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