I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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