Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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