The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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