Can i not drive my cunt home
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
