She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
