she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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