Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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