i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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