You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
