3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
