We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
