Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
