i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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