just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
