And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
this is an emotional support booty call
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
