they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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