Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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