my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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