Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
