Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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