i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
