i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
