A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
