you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
