A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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