As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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