He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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