im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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