doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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