You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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